Wednesday 2 Rabi‘ al-awwal 1444 - 28 September 2022
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Consummation of Marriage and Etiquettes

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Publication : 01-08-1998

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Question

I am a 21yr-old young man and inshallah next year I will be getting married.

My question is that, i need to know the way a marriage is set to be planned. I mean how is the nikah supposed to be performed, how many people can i invite? Is there a limit? Can I have music, dancing during my wedding or during reception or walima?

Also I need to know whose responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and walima? Is it the brides, or the bride grooms?

I need to know the answer a.s.a.p. so I could inform my family and inshallah I will implement it in my life, so Allah will bless me and my marriage.

Summary of answer

How to consummate marriage: 1: you should treat your bride kindly and gently; 2- you should place your hand on your bride’s head and pray for her; 3- you should pray two rak’ahs with her; and 4- you should say the du’a reported by Ibn 'Abbas.

Praise be to Allah.

How to consummate marriage in Islam

When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage , a number of things are recommended in the sunnah:

  1. He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like offering her something to drink and so on, because of the hadith narrated by Asma bint Yazid ibn al-Sakan, who said: “I prepared ‘Aishah as a bride when she married the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) drank some, then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I rebuked her and said: ‘Take it from the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).’ So she took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her, ‘Give some to your companion (meaning himself).’” (Reported by Imam Ahmad and deemed sahih by al-Albani)
He should place his hand on his bride’s head and pray for her, saying “Bismillah” and asking for barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the hadith narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say: ‘Allahumma inni as-aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a’udhu bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her).’” Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa’id added: “Then let him take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this woman or servant.” (Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitab al-Nikah, Bab fi jami’ al-nikah; classed as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami’, no. 341)
  1. He should pray two rak’ahs with her, leading her in prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning this. (i) from Abu Sa’id, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught him and told him: “When your wife comes in to you, pray two rak’ahs and ask Allah for the goodness of what has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil.” (ii) from Shaqiq, who said: “A man called Abu Hariz came and said (to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, may Allah be pleased with him): ‘I have married a young virgin girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.’ ‘Abdullah said: ‘Love comes from Allah and hatred comes from Shaytan, who wants to make you hate what Allah has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.’” (These two reports were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Adab al-Zafaf by al-Albani).
  2. When he wants to consummate the marriage , he should say the words reported in the hadith reported by Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said: “When one of you wants to approach (have intercourse with) his wife, if he says: ‘Bismillahi Allahumma jannibna al-Shaytan wa jannib al-Shaytan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allah, O Allah, protect us from Shaytan and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytan)’ – then if they are given a child, Shaytan will not harm it.” (Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath, no. 3271) (For more information, see Adab al-Zafaf by al-Albani, p. 91)

Is there a limit to the number of guests in a wedding feast?

There is no limit to the number of guests one can invite to a wedding feast (walimah), so invite whoever you wish of your relatives, the bride’s relatives, your friends and anyone you have a good reason to invite.

Music in a wedding ceremony: Haram?

It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is haram such as having music , letting men and women mix, or letting women dance in front of men, or other things that earn the wrath of Allah. How can the blessing of Allah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality? 

At weddings , women can do whatever is allowed in Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words or entertaining themselves by playing the daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles) only, so long as no men are present.

Who should give the wedding walimah?

Providing the wedding feast (walimah) is the husband’s responsibility . The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn ‘Awf, “Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, no. 2048).

We ask Allah to bless you and your bride and to grant you a happy marriage.

And Allah knows best.

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Source: Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid