Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allaah to reward you with good for your patience and for fulfilling your husband’s desires in obedience to the command of your Lord.
The solution to the problem you mention is by speaking frankly. That does not mean embarrassing your husband or accusing him of being inconsiderate. This problem often stems from the fact that the husband is not aware that there is a problem at all, not from the fact that he is inconsiderate. The husband may go ahead and have intercourse and not pay attention to some things that he should be doing, one of which is fulfilling his wife’s needs. Perhaps you could benefit by reading some books on the topic which explain the basis of the relationship and intimacy between a man and a woman such as Tuhfat al-‘Aroos by Mahmood Mahdi Istanbuli.
The point is that there is nothing wrong with speaking to your husband about this matter, and suggesting that he read about it. Speaking frankly is preferable to suffering in this manner, and the problem can be solved easily.
This does not excuse the woman from sharing some of the responsibility. She also has things that she must do, such as adorning herself for her husband, being loving towards him and encouraging him to be intimate with her.
We ask Allaah to set the Muslims’ affairs straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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