Praise be to Allaah.

You have shown that you are in dire need of this advice, and we ask Allaah to help you to benefit from it as much as you have shown your need for it, and not leave you to your own devices and not let you form wrong ideas that your parents are not sincere towards you and that you may hate them like no one was ever hated before, if they come between you and your whims and desires!! Do you want us to talk to you on the basis of your thinking which sounds more mature than your age, the rationale that your parents do not understand?  

Or do you want us to talk to you on the basis of your emotions which have overwhelmed everything, even your opinion of your parents? 

As for your mature thinking, we will never tell you here: How many people were doomed because of their thinking and their over-confidence that led to their destruction. We do not need to tell you any such thing, rather we say to you: You must inevitably realize this yourself, as every wise person realizes it, and experience bears witness: You are thinking in an irrational way and you are controlled by your strong emotions that has taken over your life. If you reject this fact, which we hope you will not do, then listen, as you are very religiously-committed, as you say, to what the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to women: 

“I have never seen anyone so lacking in reason and religious commitment, more overwhelming to a man of wisdom and reason, than you”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (304) and Muslim (80). 

We hope that you will open your heart and mind to what you are reading now and that you will be sincere to Allaah and to yourself. How did you come to know this woman? How did it reach such a state that you “love her a lot”? 

You should realize that even if you got to know her in such a way that you have reached this state in a gathering for memorizing Qur’aan, then this gathering would be sinful and such a gathering should not be allowed, so how about other types of gathering and meeting?  

You can only say that you love her a lot after haraam looking and haraam listening and following in the footsteps of the shaytaan until he made you see this woman in this way, which may not be real, so he has instilled in your heart the notion that there is no one else like her, until you have reached a state where you think that your parents are coming in between you and your happiness, and you hate them “like no one was ever hated before”. Are these the words of a religiously-committed and wise man?! 

And you even ask “What is the punishment for my father for preventing such halal matter for worldly, not Islamic, reasons?” 

Do you really want to know what their punishment will be with Allaah, so as to cool the flames of longing and deprivation in your heart? Or do you want them to be punished by Allaah?! 

Whatever the case, by Allaah we do not know of any punishment that they would suffer with Allaah, so long as they are striving to advise you and to set you straight and do what is in your best interests. This is true even if they make a mistake, so how about if they are correct in that? And we ask Allaah not to deprive them of reward whatever the case, the reward for bringing you up, being patient with you, advising you sincerely, taking care of you. 

If you ask about choosing between two things, starting your life by angering your parents and causing a breakdown of ties, or pleasing them at the expense of your emotions and choosing for yourself,  

We say: Your question is wrong. There is nothing equivalent to pleasing your parents, so now can such a comparison be made? 

If you want our advice, then do not do anything that does not please your parents. If you want a wife who is religiously-committed, then there are many other women who are religiously-committed, so choose one of them who suits you and is pleasing to your parents, so that you may combine two good things. Losing this woman is not the end of the world, as those who are in love imagine. Rather the matter of marriage is simpler than that; rather it is love, compassion and tranquillity, and this can be attained, especially between people of sound character.  

All of this is what we would tell you, if you allow us to address you on the basis of your mature thinking. You should be aware that all these strong emotions will soon subside when dealing with the realities of daily life. 

But if you insist on that, and you think that your life will never be happy and that you will hate … Allaah forbid; then we will address you now on the basis of your emotions that have blinded you and prevailed over your reason, so that you do not know what you are saying. Whims and desires and love are states of sickness, as Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Chapter: The reality of love, its types and what people say about it: 

The doctors are definitively of the view that it is a sickness and waswaas (whispers from the shaytaan), and it is akin to melancholy that man brings upon himself by allowing the beauty of some images and characters to dominate his thoughts. The reason for it is attraction and thoughts.  

End quote from Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (137). 

So get married to this woman of whom you have grown fond, and there is nothing that can prevent that, even if it not readily acceptable according to people’s customs. But we advise you to consult someone whose reason and religious commitment you trust about that, who knows you and knows her, or at least who can find out about her religious commitment from a neutral person, and who will not be affected by strong emotions, or who rejects outright the idea of your marrying her. 

If you become certain that she is indeed the religiously committed woman that you are looking for to keep you chaste, then it does not matter if what she said about her husband is true or not, because talking about such matters is not permissible, and it is not permissible to accept her view on such matters, because there is a dispute between them, and the fact that divorce occurred does not necessarily mean that all these crimes took place. It is not necessary in order for a man to marry a divorced woman that she should be a victim of such things. He may have been a good husband, and she may also have been good, but they could not live together. 

We understand how your society views divorced women and even widows; it is a jaahili view first and foremost, which virtually excludes these women from a normal social life and a second chance at a life of dignity.  

In this case we advise your parents to stop objecting and to pay attention to your situation. So long as there is nothing wrong with this woman’s religious commitment or character, then they have no right – once they have offered their advice – to force you to do something you do not want, and to prevent you from doing what you have set your heart on.  

See also the answers to questions no. 30796 and 20152. 

But it remains for her family to agree to that, and there is no solution for that in our opinion, rather it is essential that her family should agree, and it is not permissible for you to marry her without the permission of her wali (guardian). Even though it is permissible, is it wise for you to live in isolation from your family and hers, or that you can go against your family for her sake, and she can go against her family for your sake?  

That only happens in love stories and emotional films. As for real life, it has different guidelines and measures. 

May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and may He guide us all and protect us from the evil of our own selves. 

And Allaah knows best.