Praise be to Allaah.

It seems that you did something that is against sharee’ah when you got to know this young man, especially since you speak well of his religious commitment and character. We do not know what religious commitment and good character this young man can have who have agrees to get to know a girl who is not his mahram and to converse with her, and the relationship may have gone further than that, such as meetings etc. 

Islam forbids the establishment of such relationships between the sexes. Some of the fatwas of the scholars on this matter have been quoted in questions no. 23349, 20949, 10221 and 34841 

For information on haraam relationships and their effects, and on marrying the one with whom one is in love, see question no. 47405 

Concerning getting rid of this problem immediately, see question no. 10254. 

It is not permissible to marry a woman without her guardian’s permission, and such a marriage contract is not valid; and it is not permissible for the father to force his daughter to marry someone whom she does not want. For more information on this, please see question no. 26618. 

Secondly: 

With regard to the issue of compatibility in marriage, the majority of scholars state that compatibility in lineage is to be taken into account. Others disagreed and said that no compatibility is required except in terms of religious commitment. This was narrated from ‘Umar, Ibn Mas’ood, Muhammad ibn Sireen and ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez. It was the view of Imam Maalik, and was narrated from Ahmad, and it was the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on them both). 

In Zaad al-Ma’aad, Ibn al-Qayyim devoted a chapter to the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on compatibility in marriage, and he quoted the verses which indicate that. He said: 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At‑Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Aware”

[al-Hujuraat 49:13] 

“The believers are nothing else than brothers”

[al-Hujuraat 49:10] 

“The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another”

[al-Tawbah 9:71] 

“So their Lord accepted of them (their supplication and answered them), “Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female. You are (members) one of another”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:195] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a white man over a black man, or of a black man over a white man, except in terms of piety. The people come from Adam and Adam came from dust.” 

And he said: “The people of such and such a tribe are not my friends and supporters, rather my friends and supporters are the pious, no matter where they are.” 

In Tirmidhi it says that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation in the land and corruption.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, even if he has something (some other disadvantage)?” He said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him” three times.  

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Banu Bayaadah: “Accept Abu Hind’s proposal if he proposes marriage and seek his daughter’s hands in marriage” and he was a cupper. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jahsh to Zayd ibn Haarithah, his freed slave, and he married Faatimah bint Qays al-Qurashiyyah to Usaamah the son of Zayd, and Bilaal married the sister of ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women).”

[al-Noor 24:26] 

“then marry (other) women of your choice”

[al-Nisa’ 4:3] 

What we learn from the rulings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is that what matters with regard to compatibility is religious commitment, first and foremost. No Muslim woman should marry a kaafir man, and no chaste woman should marry an immoral man. The Qur'aan and Sunnah do not pay attention to any other factor in compatibility apart from that. Islam forbids a Muslim woman to marry a fornicator and does not give any consideration to his lineage or occupation, or whether he is rich or poor, free or slave. It allows a slave to marry a free, rich woman of noble lineage, if he is chaste and is a Muslim, and it allows non-Qurayshis to marry Qurayshi women, and non-Haashimis to marry Haashimi women, and poor men to marry women who are well off. End quote. 

Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/158-160 

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) included in Kitaab al-Nikaah (the Book of Marriage, in his Saheeh) a chapter entitled “Chapter on compatibility in religious commitment and the words (interpretation of the meaning): ‘And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage’ [al-Furqaan 25:54].” 

In this chapter he quoted evidence to suggest that this kind of compatibility is the only kind to be considered, especially since it is followed by chapters which are called, “Chapter on compatibility in wealth and the marriage of a poor man to a rich woman,” and “Chapter on a free woman marrying a slave.” 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: 

What is meant by their saying qubayli and khudayri? 

He replied: 

This is a minor matter which is well known among people. 

Qubayli refers to one who has a known tribe to which he belongs, such as saying he is Qahtaani, Subay’i, Tameemi, Qurashi, Haashimi and so on. Such a person may also be called qabali (tribal), because he belongs to a tribe (qabeelah).  

Khudayri is something that is known only to the people of Najd, and it is not known elsewhere. This word is used to describe one who has no known tribe to which he belongs, i.e., it is not known whether he belongs to Qahtaan or Tameem or Quraysh, but he is an Arab who speaks Arabic and he lives among them, even if he belongs to a known group. 

According to Arab custom, a mawla (freed slave) is one who was originally a slave then was set free. And the ‘ajam (non Arabs) are those who are not belong to the Arab people. They come from non-Arab origins and are not originally Arabs, so they are known as a’aajim (non-Arabs). 

The ruling according to the religion of Allaah is that none of these groups are superior to any other, except in terms of piety, regardless of whether they are tribal or non-tribal (qubayli or khudayri), freed slaves or non-Arabs. All of them are equal and none is superior to another, except in terms of taqwa, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man, or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of piety.” And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At‑Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Aware”

[al-Hujuraat 49:13] 

But the custom among the Arabs in ancient times was that they would marry their daughters into tribes whom they knew and some of them would refuse to give their daughters in marriage to someone who did not have a known tribe. This attitude still remains among the people. Some of them may be more tolerant and give their daughters in marriage to non-tribal persons, freed-slaves and non-Arabs, as happened at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Usaamah ibn Zayd ibn Haarithah, who was his freed slave, to Faatimah bint Qays who was from Quraysh. Similarly, Abu Hudhayfah ibn ‘Utbah ibn Rabee’ah, who was from Quraysh, married his freed slave Saalim to the daughter of his brother al-Waleed ibn ‘Utbah, and he did not care that he was a freed slave. 

Such things happened often among the Sahaabah and those who came after them, but after that the people, especially in Najd and some other places, stopped doing that and took a strict stance on it, according to the attitudes they inherited from their forefathers. Perhaps they feared that some members of their tribe might criticize them by saying to them, “Why did you marry So and so? This is an affront to our tribe and a mixing of lineages” and so on. Or they may give some excuses that may have been valid at some time but are not any more.  

What matters is choosing someone who is fit because of his character and religious commitment. If he meets these criteria then he is suitable, whether he is an Arab or a non-Arab, a freed slave or a non-tribal, or whatever. This is the basic principle. If some people do not want to marry anyone except someone from their own tribe, there is no sin in that. And Allaah is the Source of strength. End quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 5/146, 147 

Conclusion: 

Your family have the right to refuse to accept this young man as a husband for you because he is not compatible in terms of character and religious commitment. We advise you to fear Allaah and to keep away from this young man and the means which enabled you to get to know him. May Allaah bless you with a righteous husband who will help you to obey Allaah, and to raise a righteous generation who will strive to obey Allaah and will live and die worshipping Him. 

And Allaah knows best.