Praise be to Allaah.
1 – The mother’s rights over her child
The mother has many major rights over her child.
These rights are innumerable, but we may mention the following:
Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most
deserving of people of her son’s good companionship.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the
people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your
mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He
asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’
He said, ‘Your father.’”
She is the one who made her womb a vessel for you
and nourished you from her breast. You have no option but
to love her. The fitrah (natural inclination of man) calls you to
love her. Love between mothers and children and children and mothers is
something that Allaah has instilled even in animals, so it is even more
befitting for the children of human beings, and for Muslims in particular.
Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that;
this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take
care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it
all with patience?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother
bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship…”
take precedence over jihaad if there is a conflict between the two.
ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A
man came to the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him,
‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your
jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549)
Not offending them or
saying or doing anything that they dislike.
says (interpretation of the meaning):
not to them a word of disrespect” [al-Israa’ 17:23]
has forbidden us even to say “uff”
[paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the
meaning of the aayah] to our parents, then how about someone who hits
Spending on her if
she is in need and does not
have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the
righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious
than feeding their own children.
‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three
men went out walking and rain began to fall on them. They entered a cave
in a mountain, then a rock fell (blocking the entrance to the cave). They
said to one another, Pray to Allaah by virtue of the best deeds that you
have done. One of them said, O Allaah, my parents were elderly and I used
to go out and tend to my flocks, then I would milk them and bring the milk
to my parents for them to drink from it, then I would give some to my
children. One night I came home late and found them sleeping. I did not
want to wake them, and the children were crying at my feet. I kept waiting
and the children kept crying until dawn broke. O Allaah, if You knew that
I did that for Your sake, then open a way for us through which we can see
the sky. So a way was opened for them…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
2102; Muslim, 2743).
Obeying her when she
tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad,
such as shirk, then there
should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to
says (interpretation of the meaning):
if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others
that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with
them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15]
After one’s mother
dies, it is Sunnah to fulfil any vows that she had made, and to give
charity and perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on her behalf.
reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that a
woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and said: “My mother vowed to go for Hajj, but she
died before she did so. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?” He said,
“Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Do you not think that if your mother
owed a debt that you would pay it off for her? Fulfil her debt to Allaah,
for Allaah is more deserving that what is owed to Him should be paid.”
(narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1754).
After she dies, it is
also Sunnah to honour her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to
keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends.
narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of righteous deeds is
for a man to keep in touch with his father’s friends after he dies.”
Your rights over your mother
That she should take
care of you when you are a child, breastfeeding and nurturing you. This is
a well known aspect of human nature that has been handed down from the
beginning of creation.
says (interpretation of the meaning):
mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is)
for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling”
She should bring you up in a righteous manner, for she will be
responsible for that before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection. You are
part of her “flock” and she is your “shepherd”.
It was reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar
said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Each of you is a
shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imaam is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his
family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her
husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the
shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.’ I
think that he said, ‘A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and
is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock.’” (Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)
Permissible things that it is permissible for you to do without your
mother interfering in your affairs
not have the right to make decisions about what you should like with
regard to permissible things over which she has no authority, such as
food, drink, clothing, means of transportation, etc.
does she have the right to interfere in your choice of a wife – if she
is righteous – so long as you are not disobeying Allaah with regard to
that. At the same time it is prescribed (by Islam) that you should try to
please her even in your choice of a wife, if she advises you in a way that
will not harm you.
regard to her interfering with such matters as when you go out of the
house or come in, or your going out in the evening with your friends: both
parents have to watch their children with regard to this, so as to keep
control of things and not let their children be led astray by bad company.
In most cases, when young people are corrupted it is because of bad
company. Concerning this matter, the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close
friend, so let each of you look to who his close friends are.” (Narrated
by al-Tirmidhi, 2387; Abu Dawood, 4833. This hadeeth was classed as hasan
by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by al-Nawawi, as stated in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 7/42).
also have to watch when their child goes out and when he comes in, because
they should not give him free rein, especially if he is not righteous.
to acknowledge their status and respect them and offer them good
companionship, even if they give you a hard time with regard to things
that Allaah has made permissible for you. Allaah has commanded us to treat
our parents well even if they are kuffaar who call you to shirk,
so how about if they are calling us to something which they sincerely
believe to be good? Even if sometimes it causes you some difficulty with
regard to something that is permissible for you, the best thing to do is
to obey them and do what they want. Even though you do not have to do
this, it is a kind of sacrifice and giving them preference, because they
are the most deserving of being given good treatment. In the Qur’aan,
Allaah has mentioned obedience to parents immediately after worship of
Him, in order to demonstrate the high status afforded obedience to
Your father has the final say concerning everything that comes under his
responsibility. For example, he is the one who decides in which school a
child who is dependent on him will study. The father also has the final
say concerning anything to do with his property, such as your using his
car, taking his money, etc.
regard to a son who is grown up and independent, he makes his own
decisions concerning things that Allaah has permitted. It is prescribed
for him to please his father so long as that does not conflict with his
obedience towards Allaah. The son must continue to respect his father no
matter how old he gets, because this has to do with honouring one’s
parents and treating them kindly. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said:
“I never climbed onto the roof of a house in which my father was.”
father tells a child to do something good, or to stop doing something that
is permissible, he should obey him so long as that will not cause the son
With regard to how you can tell your mother that you want more freedom,
this can be achieved by words and by deeds.
proving to your mother in practical terms that you are no longer the child
whom she used to know and that you have become a man who is able to bear
responsibility and you behave like a man in front of her, if she sees that
repeatedly, she will trust you. Then things will start to get better and
you will have a higher status in your mother’s eyes.
clearly proving, quietly discussing and speaking softly, giving examples
of your sound attitude. May
Allaah open your mother’s heart so that she will deal with you as a
wise, mature, sensible, adult man, so long as you are like that.
Allaah to guide us, you and your parents to the straight path. May Allaah
bless our Prophet Muhammad.