Praise be to Allaah.  

Your question made me very happy, because it is indicative – in sha Allaah – of the sincerity of your faith in Allaah, and of your keenness and eagerness to adhere completely to that which Allaah has enjoined upon you. 

You raise a number of issues in your question: 

1 – You are mixing with Muslims and non-Muslims. You should note that a Muslim’s relationship with Muslims is different from his relationship with others. That is because the Muslim must take his fellow-Muslim as a close friend, so that he loves him and respects him, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin (on the people) Al‑Ma‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and forbid (people) from Al‑Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they perform As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah), and give the Zakaah, and obey Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah will have His Mercy on them. Surely, Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Tawbah 9:71] 

Your Muslim brothers have rights over you that you must fulfil, but this is not the place to explain that in detail. You can study some of these rights in the answer to question no. 11413. 

With regard to non-Muslims, the Muslim should disavow himself of them, and he should not feel any love in his heart towards them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies (i.e. disbelievers and polytheists) as friends, showing affection towards them, while they have disbelieved in what has come to you of the truth (i.e. Islamic Monotheism, this Qur’aan, and Muhammad), and have driven out the Messenger (Muhammad) and yourselves (from your homeland) because you believe in Allaah your Lord! If you have come forth to strive in My Cause and to seek My Good Pleasure, (then take not these disbelievers and polytheists, as your friends). You show friendship to them in secret, while I am All‑Aware of what you conceal and what you reveal. And whosoever of you (Muslims) does that, then indeed he has gone (far) astray from the Straight Path”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:1] 

“Indeed there has been an excellent example for you in Ibraaheem (Abraham) and those with him, when they said to their people: ‘Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allaah, we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever until you believe in Allaah Alone’”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:4] 

But this does not mean that a Muslim cannot interact with them in a nice manner that will encourage them to enter Islam, so long as that is within the guidelines of sharee’ah, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Allaah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allaah loves those who deal with equity”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:8] 

The Muslim should strive hard to call non-Muslims to Islam through all possible permissible means, in the hope that they may benefit from that and respond, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided”

[al-Nahl 16:125] 

“And who is better in speech than he who [says: ‘My Lord is Allaah (believes in His Oneness),’ and then stands firm (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allaah’s (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: ‘I am one of the Muslims’”

[Fussilat 41:33]

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2674) from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  “Whoever calls people to guidance will have a reward like the reward of those who follow him, without that detracting from their rewards in the slightest, and whoever calls people to misguidance will have a burden of sin like the burden of those who follow him, without that detracting from their sins in the slightest.” 

2 – You tend to spend a great deal of your time with non-Muslims, and you say that this is a problem. It is indeed a problem because when a Muslim mixes with non-Muslims in a non-Muslim society and feels inclined to like them, this is something that can have an effect on his beliefs, religious commitment and morals (especially since you mention that you do not drink alcohol or smoke – which is a blessing from Allaah to you – from which it may be understood that these things are common among those people). Hence the texts of sharee’ah warn against mixing with and befriending non-Muslims. Allaah has commanded us to migrate from the kaafir lands to the lands of Islam, as He says: 

“Verily, as for those whom the angels take (in death) while they are wronging themselves (as they stayed among the disbelievers even though emigration was obligatory for them), they (angels) say (to them): ‘In what (condition) were you?’ They reply: ‘We were weak and oppressed on the earth.’ They (angels) say: ‘Was not the earth of Allaah spacious enough for you to emigrate therein?’ Such men will find their abode in Hell — what an evil destination!

Except the weak ones among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan, nor are they able to direct their way”

[al-Nisa’ 4:97-98] 

Abu Dawood narrated in his Sunan (2645) and al-Tirmidhi narrated in his Jaami’ (1640) from the hadeeth of Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  

“I disavow myself of every Muslim who settles among the mushrikeen.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, why?” He said, “Their fires should not be visible to one another”. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’, 1207. 

Ibn al-Qayyim said in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (‘Awn, 7/304): “What we learn from this hadeeth is that when people settle down in place, the first they do is to light a fire, and this fire may encourage others to come and join them, and anyone who comes near the fire is going to feel at ease with the people whose fire it is. The gathering around the fire of the mushrikeen is a gathering that calls people to the way of the Shaytaan and to Hellfire, because they gather only for the purpose of committing sin. The gathering of the believers around their fire is the gathering that calls people to Allaah and to obey Him and to make His religion prevail. So how can the two fires or the two gatherings be in harmony when this is the case? This is the most eloquent of metaphors, which contains a profound meaning in the most concise phrases.” 

Abu Dawood (2787) narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever joins a mushrik and lives with him is like him.” This was also narrated by al-Haakim (2/141) with a different isnaad; his version says: “Do not live with the mushrikeen and do not join them, for whoever lives with them or joins them is not one of us.” This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 2330, when the two isnaads are taken together. 

Imam Ahmad (4/365) and al-Nasaa’i (4177) narrated that Jareer said: “I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst he was accepting the people’s oaths of allegiance, and I said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, give me your hand so that I may give you my oath of allegianc., and you may stipulate your conditions, for you know best.’ He said, ‘I accept your allegiance on the basis that you worship Allaah, establish regular prayer, pay the zakaah, are sincere towards the Muslims and you forsake the mushrikeen.’” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 636. 

These texts indicate that the basic principle is that the Muslim should not settle among the kuffaar in their countries, and that he is obliged to move from those lands to the Muslim lands. An exception is made from that if his staying there is necessary, but necessity should not be blown out of proportion. If he Muslim has to be with them (the non-Muslims) physically, he should not be with them in his heart, and he must avoid mixing with them unnecessarily. 

What you must do is to look for righteous friends among the Muslims who can help you to learn your religion and adhere to it. You must fill your spare time with reading Qur’aan and reading useful books about the biography of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, and about the rulings, etiquette and morals of Islam; and with remembering Allaah (dhikr). Ibn al-Qayyim said in al-Waabil al-Sayyib (86), when listing the benefits of dhikr: “It is the easiest of acts of worship, but it is one of the best. Moving the tongue is easier than moving the limbs. If any part of a person’s body were to move as much as his tongue does, night and day, that would be extremely difficult for him.” 

You can also make use of your time by listening to useful tapes and by surfing useful sites on the Internet. 

Something else that will help you to stop mixing with non-Muslims is to remember that these kaafirs – even though they may have good manners and some good qualities – also do a number of seriously wrong things, any one of which is sufficient to nullify any good deeds that they may do. Among these evil things is the belief of the Christians – for example – that God is one of three (trinity), as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Surely, disbelievers are those who said: ‘Allaah is the third of the three (in a Trinity).’ But there is no Ilaah (god) (none who has the right to be worshipped) but One Ilaah (God —Allaah). And if they cease not from what they say, verily, a painful torment will befall on the disbelievers among them”

[al-Maa’idah 5:73] 

The other kaafir nations all attribute partners to Allaah, or else they do not believe in God at all. 

The kuffaar in general do not believe in the Qur’aan or in the message of our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), rather they reject the Qur’aan and they reject our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him); so how can a Muslim be inclined towards them with their kufr and misguidance? 

Even if they give you some of your rights by treating you nicely, they do not give Allaah His rights and they do not give the Qur’aan its rights and they do not give our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) his rights. The rights of Allaah and His Book and His Prophet are more important than our personal rights. Remember this, for this is one of the things that will help you to hate them and regard them as enemies until they believe in Allaah alone, as mentioned in the aayah quoted above (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Indeed there has been an excellent example for you in Ibraaheem (Abraham) and those with him, when they said to their people: ‘Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allaah, we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever until you believe in Allaah Alone’”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:4] 

But we reiterate that there is nothing to stop the Muslim from treating them kindly within the limits set by sharee’ah, especially if they are among those who treat us well. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Is there any reward for good other than good?”

[al-Rahmaan 55:60] 

3 – With regard to your mixing with non-Muslim girls, and your desire to get to know Muslim girls. You should note that one of the basic aims of Islamic sharee’ah is to protect people’s honour. Our sharee’ah has enjoined many rules and regulations to achieve this noble aim. One of the teachings of Islam is the segregation of men and women even in the mosque, which is the best and noblest of places. Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (440) from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best rows for men are the front rows and the worst are the back rows. The best rows for women are the back rows and the worst are the front rows.” 

Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Saheeh Muslim (4/159): “What is meant by the worst rows for men and women is those which are least in reward and virtue, and the furthest removed from the shar’i aim. The best rows are the opposite. Rather the last row is the best for the women who are present with the men because it is farthest removed from mixing with the men, from seeing them and from becoming attracted to them when seeing their movements and hearing their speech and so on. The front row for the women is condemned for the opposite reasons. And Allaah knows best.” 

Al-Bukhaari narrated in his Saheeh (837) that Umm Salamah said: “When the women stood up after the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) finished saying the salaam (at the end of the prayer), he would wait for a little while before standing up.” Al-Zuhri said: “I think – and Allaah knows best – that he waited so that the women could disperse before the people (i.e., the men) could catch up with them.” 

If Islam teaches that men and women should be segregated in the mosques – which are the best and noblest of places – then it is even more appropriate that they be segregated elsewhere. 

Moreover, learning is one of the noblest of aims, but sharee’ah also insisted that women should be segregated from men even this situation. Al-Bukhaari (101) and Muslim (2633) narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri said:  A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, the men have taken all your time. Give us (women) a day when we can come to you and you can teach us what Allaah has taught you.” He said, “Gather together on such and such a day.” So they gathered, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to them and taught them what Allaah had taught him…” (This version was narrated by Muslim). 

And Muslim (885) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: I attended Eid prayers with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He began the prayer before the khutbah, without any adhaan or iqaamah, then he stood, leaning against Bilaal, and enjoined fear of Allaah and urged us to obey Him. He preached to the people and reminded them. Then he went over to the women and preached to them and reminded them.  

Another of the teachings of Islam in this regard is that Allaah has commanded men and women to lower their gaze. It is not permissible for a Muslim to look at a woman who is not his mahram, or for a woman to look at a man who is not her mahram. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…”
[al-Noor 24:30-31] 

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2159) that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: “I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about an accidental glance, and he told me to avert my gaze.” 

Abu Dawood (2149) and al-Tirmidhi (2777) narrated from Buraydah ibn al-Haseeb that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Ali: “O ‘Ali, do not follow one glance with another. You are permitted the first, but not the second.” This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Jilbaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 77

 Islam also forbids a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman, and it forbids a man to shake hands with a woman who is not his mahram, and there are other rulings which we do not have room to go into in detail here. [For more information please refer to the answers to Questions nos. 2459, 2986, 9989] 

These rulings apply in the case of both Muslim and non-Muslim women, unless they are the mahrams of the man. 

Based on this, you must avoid mixing with non-mahram women, even if they are Muslim, and you should not respond to the deviant thoughts that the Shaytaan tries to put in your mind, such as the fact that some girls admire you and so on. Make earning the pleasure of Allaah your goal. Al-Tirmidhi (2414) narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to please Allaah by angering the people, Allaah will suffice him against the people, but whoever seeks to please the people by angering Allaah, Allaah will leave him to the people.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 2311. 

My brother, note that you may find this difficult to apply at first, but you must strive against your whims and desires. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“As for those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will surely guide them to Our Paths. And verily Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good doers)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69] 

You have to endure and be more patient, and seek reward with Allaah, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the places from where the enemy can attack you, and fear Allaah, so that you may be successful”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:200] 

You should note that if you are keen to fear and obey Allaah, you will ultimately find a way out from every difficulty, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty)”

[al-Talaaq 65:2] 

Everything that you used to find difficult will become easy, for Allaah can make any hard thing easy if He wills. 

Moreover, others will see that you are adhering to the commands of your religion, which will make them respect you. 

Finally, I urge you to call upon Allaah and make a lot of du’aa’, especially at the times and in the places where du’aa’s are answered, such as when prostrating, and before saying the salaam at the end of prayer, and in the last third of the night, and between the adhaan and iqaamah. Pray to Allaah to make you steadfast in Islam, and seek the help of Allaah to adhere to His commands and to keep away from disobedience.  I ask Allaah to grant you a way out from every difficulty and worry. May Allaah be with you. 

And Allaah knows best.