Islam Question and Answer - He formed a relationship with a girl who is married and he wants her to get divorced so that he can marry her

Mon 6/12/1430 - 23/11/2009

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Etiquette, Morals and Heart-Softeners » Manners » Relationships between the two genders

He formed a relationship with a girl who is married and he wants her to get divorced so that he can marry her

I am a God-fearing man; I never had a relationship with a woman before. I did not chat on the internet either. But recently by chance I knew a British woman on the internet. I found many characteristics in her that I always wished. I knew that she converted to Islam, before we knew each other, and she married a man who does not fear Allah; he does not pray neither does he teach her how to pray. He forces her to go out with him and his friends, he meets girls, and he allowed his cousin to stay at home with them. He beats her for the slightest reasons, he slanders her using bad language, she even thinks that beating woman is one of the Islamic teachings. He knows that I am talking to her, so I tried to advise him and her, but he does not listen.
I love this woman, honestly, and I fear for her as she lives with a person who does not fear Allah neither does he teach her religion, although she is eager to learn about Islam. I taught her how to pray by sending English files about prayers. The problem now is that I want to marry her. Is it permissible for me to urge her to ask for divorce? I know I was mistaken to talk to her in the first place. The say “whatever is built on wrong will remain wrong” and “whatever grows by means of haram then the hell is more fitting for it” apply to my situation? If I marry her and make a religious family, will it remain wrong?
I have decided to cut our relationship temporary, knowing that I have not met her, until I know the ruling on this. She is ready to leave everything there and come to Egypt so that we can make a righteous family. Is my good intention to do this valueless because it started wrong? I fear Allah and my intention is to teach her Islam. I do not have the intention to deceive her. I know her intention as well. Even her non Muslim mother thinks that we should marry. Bear in mind that their marriage is not done according to the law. It was just held in the masjid. I have read fatawa saying that their marriage is invalid as long as he does not pray. She has the right to ask for divorce because he beats her and distorts the image of Islam. Is it permissible for me to tell her this, whenever she asks me I just stay silent because I fear Allah asks me about ruining this family.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We think that there is good in you for which we should praise you. Your fear of Allaah for having formed haraam relationships with non-mahram girls by correspondence and talking, and your cutting off your relationship with this girl until you find out the shar’i ruling, are all indicative of goodness. We encourage you to prepare for the Hereafter by means of piety and we ask Allaah to instill faith in your heart and to make immorality and sin hateful to you.

As for your relationship with this woman, what you must do now is cut off all ties with her, and not correspond with her or talk to her, and you have no other option. As for the bad relationship between her and her husband, perhaps Allaah will guide him and he will start to pray regularly and treat her kindly, and Allaah may create love between them after there was enmity. Perhaps your talking to her was the cause of the increase in bad feelings between her and her husband, when she compared your nice words to her with her husband’s attitude, and that made her not be patient with her husband and made her dislike him more.

We are afraid that the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Whoever turns a woman against her husband is not one of us” may apply to you. This hadeeth was narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood (5170) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (324).

As for the marriage contract not being valid because her husband does not pray, the ruling on that varies according to whether he was not praying at the time he married her, or he used to pray but he stopped praying after the marriage.

We have discussed the ruling on this issue in the answer to question no. 4131.

Whatever the case, she is the one who should seek the ruling on that and ask about what she should do next. She is the one who should solve the problems with her husband, and she is also the one who should strive not to disobey Allaah. She should not obey (her husband) if he tells her to do something sinful, such as staying with a non-mahram man or going out with him in the presence of his friends and so on.

Whatever the case, she is the one who should strive to set straight the things that are wrong with her life, either by sorting out her life in a proper manner as much as possible, or by leaving this man. Allaah makes everyone independent of means by His grace and blessings.

Beware lest the shaytaan open the door to sin for you by means of your concern about the ruling on her husband not praying, and the ruling on beating her and mistreating her. Such things happen in many families – is it permissible for you to check on these husbands in their homes and talk to their wives on the grounds that you are advising them and explaining the shar’i rulings to them? The shaytaan has his ways of tempting both sinners and righteous people, so beware lest the shaytaan make you fall into his trap on the basis of offering sincere advice and explaining shar’i rulings.

We ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to guide you to the straight path.

And Allaah knows best.

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