Al-hamdu lillaah.

The situation in which you are, dear brother, is certainly a difficult one. It is not easy to live with a father that has aberrations and perversities stemming from being misguided from the true path of ahl us-sunnah wal-jamaa’ah (the followers of the Qur’aan, sunnah, and our pious predecessors). However, a Muslim is to anticipate and seek reward from Allaah for: being patient with and persevering in dealing with your father; and, being polite when counseling and showing him the truth of guidance, using appropriate and agreeable methods that do not give your father the impression that you are trying to show superiority or arrogance, or that you are belittling him. Instead, your father should feel that the advice is from a son that acknowledges and respects his position as his father, and that your concern is out of care and veneration., as the case was with Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) when calling his father to the path of truth. Allaah the Most Glorious said in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

When he (Ibrahim) said to his father: "O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything? O my father! Verily, there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you. So follow me; I will guide you to a straight path. O my father! Worship not Satan. Verily, Satan has been a rebel against the Most Beneficent (Allah). O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allaah) overtake you, so that you become a companion of Satan ( in Hell-Fire)." He (the father) said: " Do you reject my gods, O Ibrahim? If you do not stop (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely before I punish you." Ibrahim said :" Peace be upon you. I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me, ever most gracious. (surat Maryam, 19:41-47)

Note that Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) addressed his father in the most subordinate and most refined, courteous, and polite expression (abati in Arabic). Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) did not say to him, "I am a scholar and you are ignorant"; instead, he said "There has come to me of knowledge (as a Prophet) that which has not come unto you." Ibrahim (peace be upon him) showed his concern and compassion towards his father’s well-being when he said, "O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allaah) overtake you…." When his father rejected the truth and threatened to stone him, Ibrahim (peace be upon him) replied in utmost politeness, "Peace be upon you," and promised him that he will pray to his Lord on his behalf for forgiveness. This is how a righteous son should advise his misguided father.

You also should know that rejecting or denying the sunnah of our Prophet (peace be upon him) is an extremely grave matter; hopefully this subject will be covered in detail as a separate issue. In brief, if your father’s bida’ah (innovation in religion) takes him out of the fold of Islam, then your prayers behind him is not valid since he would be a kafir (infidel, unbeliever). Such would be the case if, for example, he insists and persists in completely rejecting the sunnah in its entirety, even after the proof and evidence demonstrating and substantiating the truth and validity of the matter is presented to him. On the other hand, if your father’s bida’ah does not take him out of the fold of Islam, such as the case of refusing to perform certain acts mentioned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, then it is permissible to pray behind him and your prayers are sound, and Allaah knows best.

Addendum: Sheikh Muhammad ibn Salih ibn Uthaimeen has replied the following with regards to this question:

Denying (the sunnah) could be of two types: a denial with regards to interpretation or a denial of rejection. If it is a denial of rejection, in the sense that one might say, "Yes, I realize that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said this, but I reject it and don’t accept it," then the person is a kaafir (unbeliever) and has committed apostasy. Thus, it would be impermissible to pray behind him. If, on the other hand, it is a denial of interpretation, then he is granted a respite, if the interpretation is possible and warranted by the language, and he knows the sources of Islamic law and its resources. In this case, it is not an act of kufr, but rather under the category of those who innovate incorrect practices in the religion (if his interpretation is such). It would be permissible to pray behind such a person, unless there is a beneficial objective behind not doing so, such as deterring him from such opinions, so that he may reconsider his mistaken interpretations. In this latter case, then it would be preferable not to pray behind him (if such a beneficial effect would be realized).

Shaving the beard is haraam, and it is not permissible to do it for a parent or leader or boss, because obedience is only a duty in matters that are good and righteous. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being (person) if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”

Praise be to Allaah. 

There is no doubt that the story you have told us is very sad and moving, especially when we see someone suffering because  the person who is closest to him is lacking in terms of religion.  But ‘Allaah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us.’ [Aal- ‘Imraan 3:173 – interpretation of the meaning] ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ [al-Baqarah 2:156 – interpretation of the meaning].

 This brother should remember that honouring one’s parents is one of the most important duties that human beings have towards one another, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination.  But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Luqmaan 31:14-15].  These mushrik parents were doing their utmost to make their son associate partners with Allaah, yet in spite of that Allaah commanded the son to maintain a relationship with them and behave kindly with them in this world.  So you are also obliged to treat your mother well, advise her to give up her bad behaviour, explain to her how sinful her deeds are and what punishment awaits her if she does not stop.  If she responds, then praise be to Allaah. If she does not, then keep away from her in a good way; do not mix with her in ways that will adversely affect your religion, but do not upset her either.  Behave with her in the world kindly, and continue to advise her from time to time.  Your keeping away from her will not be a sin, if you do it for the sake of Allaah and in opposition to something wrong. 

(See the response of Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen in Fataawaa Islamiyyah, 4/196; al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah fi Fataawaa Islamiyyah (Standing Committee on Islamic Fatwas), 4/204; Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen in Fataawaa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/957) 

Praise be to Allaah.

They can stop him from going for a voluntary Hajj, and they will not be sinners if they do that. But they do not have the right to stop him from going for the obligatory Hajj, and they will be sinners of they stop him. If he goes for (obligatory) Hajj without their permission, his Hajj will be valid regardless – even though he would be a sinner if he went for a voluntary Hajj without their permission. He also has the right to travel to seek knowledge without their permission.

Praise be to Allaah. 

It is not permissible for you to buy anything for your father which it is haraam to use, whether it is tobacco, opium, hashish, alcohol or whatever, even if he tells you to do that. It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience of the Creator” and, “Obedience is only with regard to things which are right and good (ma’roof).” You have to advise him and apologize to him politely for not buying them for him.

Praise be to Allaah. 

1 – The mother’s rights over her child

 The mother has many major rights over her child. These rights are innumerable, but we may mention the following:

 (a)              Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship.

 Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’”

 She is the one who made her womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option but  to love her. The fitrah (natural inclination of man) calls you to love her. Love between mothers and children and children and mothers is something that Allaah has instilled even in animals, so it is even more befitting for the children of human beings, and for Muslims in particular.

 (b)             Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience?

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship…” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]

 This even take precedence over jihaad if there is a conflict between the two.

 ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549)

 (c)              Not offending them or saying or doing anything that they dislike.

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“say not to them a word of disrespect” [al-Israa’ 17:23]

 If Allaah has forbidden us even to say “uff” [paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the meaning of the aayah] to our parents, then how about someone who hits them?!

 (d)             Spending on her if she is in need  and does not have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious than feeding their own children.

 Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three men went out walking and rain began to fall on them. They entered a cave in a mountain, then a rock fell (blocking the entrance to the cave). They said to one another, Pray to Allaah by virtue of the best deeds that you have done. One of them said, O Allaah, my parents were elderly and I used to go out and tend to my flocks, then I would milk them and bring the milk to my parents for them to drink from it, then I would give some to my children. One night I came home late and found them sleeping. I did not want to wake them, and the children were crying at my feet. I kept waiting and the children kept crying until dawn broke. O Allaah, if You knew that I did that for Your sake, then open a way for us through which we can see the sky. So a way was opened for them…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2102; Muslim, 2743).

 (e)              Obeying her when she tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad, such as shirk, then there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15]

 (f)               After one’s mother dies, it is Sunnah to fulfil any vows that she had made, and to give charity and perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on her behalf.

 It was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that a woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “My mother vowed to go for Hajj, but she died before she did so. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?” He said, “Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Do you not think that if your mother owed a debt that you would pay it off for her? Fulfil her debt to Allaah, for Allaah is more deserving that what is owed to Him should be paid.” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1754).

 (g)              After she dies, it is also Sunnah to honour her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends.

 It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of righteous deeds is for a man to keep in touch with his father’s friends after he dies.”

(Narrated by Muslim, 2552).

 2 – Your rights over your mother

 (a)              That she should take care of you when you are a child, breastfeeding and nurturing you. This is a well known aspect of human nature that has been handed down from the beginning of creation.

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

 (b)             She should bring you up in a righteous manner, for she will be responsible for that before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection. You are part of her “flock” and she is your “shepherd”.

 It was reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imaam is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.’ I think that he said, ‘A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)

 3 – Permissible things that it is permissible for you to do without your mother interfering in your affairs

 She does not have the right to make decisions about what you should like with regard to permissible things over which she has no authority, such as food, drink, clothing, means of transportation, etc.

 Neither does she have the right to interfere in your choice of a wife – if she is righteous – so long as you are not disobeying Allaah with regard to that. At the same time it is prescribed (by Islam) that you should try to please her even in your choice of a wife, if she advises you in a way that will not harm you.

 With regard to her interfering with such matters as when you go out of the house or come in, or your going out in the evening with your friends: both parents have to watch their children with regard to this, so as to keep control of things and not let their children be led astray by bad company. In most cases, when young people are corrupted it is because of bad company. Concerning this matter, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friend, so let each of you look to who his close friends are.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2387; Abu Dawood, 4833. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by al-Nawawi, as stated in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 7/42).

 Parents also have to watch when their child goes out and when he comes in, because they should not give him free rein, especially if he is not righteous.

 You have to acknowledge their status and respect them and offer them good companionship, even if they give you a hard time with regard to things that Allaah has made permissible for you. Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well even if they are kuffaar who call you to shirk, so how about if they are calling us to something which they sincerely believe to be good? Even if sometimes it causes you some difficulty with regard to something that is permissible for you, the best thing to do is to obey them and do what they want. Even though you do not have to do this, it is a kind of sacrifice and giving them preference, because they are the most deserving of being given good treatment. In the Qur’aan, Allaah has mentioned obedience to parents immediately after worship of Him, in order to demonstrate the high status afforded obedience to parents.

 4 – Your father has the final say concerning everything that comes under his responsibility. For example, he is the one who decides in which school a child who is dependent on him will study. The father also has the final say concerning anything to do with his property, such as your using his car, taking his money, etc.

 With regard to a son who is grown up and independent, he makes his own decisions concerning things that Allaah has permitted. It is prescribed for him to please his father so long as that does not conflict with his obedience towards Allaah. The son must continue to respect his father no matter how old he gets, because this has to do with honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: “I never climbed onto the roof of a house in which my father was.”

 If a father tells a child to do something good, or to stop doing something that is permissible, he should obey him so long as that will not cause the son any harm.

 5 – With regard to how you can tell your mother that you want more freedom, this can be achieved by words and by deeds.

 (a)              Deeds

 After proving to your mother in practical terms that you are no longer the child whom she used to know and that you have become a man who is able to bear responsibility  and you behave like a man in front of her, if she sees that repeatedly, she will trust you. Then things will start to get better and you will have a higher status in your mother’s eyes.

 (b)             Words

 By clearly proving, quietly discussing and speaking softly, giving examples of your  sound attitude. May Allaah open your mother’s heart so that she will deal with you as a wise, mature, sensible, adult man, so long as you are like that.

Praise be to Allaah.

The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).

But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner.

Praise be to Allaah. 

Yes, that is counted as a sin for which a person will be punished, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” [al-Israa’ 17:23-24]

 Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd

Every kind of annoying one's parents, whether in word or deed, is an act of disobedience which means that the child is a sinner, because it goes against the command and prohibition of Allaah, Who has commanded us to speak to them kindly and treat them kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but address them in terms of honour.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy”  [al-Israa’ 17:24]

 It is forbidden to dishonour them by saying or doing bad things to them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them” [al-Israa’ 17:23]

We asked our shaykh, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, about a woman who says, my parents are kaafirs and my husband will not let the children see them. Does he have any right to do that?

 He answered, may Allaah preserve him, as follows:

Praise be to Allaah. 

He should try to convince his parents and explain to them the Sunnah of dressing, eating, sleeping, etc. If both or one of them still persist, then he can obey them with regard to matters of dress, eating and sleeping that do not go against any text or clear evidence (daleel), because the basic principle regarding clothing etc. is that it is permissible (unless there is evidence to the contrary) and it is usually based on custom, because these are matters of nature or tradition which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others used to do before Islam. So there is nothing wrong with a Muslim wearing the clothes that people in his country wear, or eating the food that they eat, or going along with them in matters which do not go against any clear text, especially if his parents ask him to do that. 

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen 

You do not have to obey them in disobeying Allaah or in anything that will adversely affect you, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Obedience is only with regard to what is right and proper,” and “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” The person who tells you not to be friends with good people is not to be obeyed, whether they are your parents or anyone else. You should not obey anyone who tells you to be friends with bad people either. But you should speak to your parents in a good manner and in a way that is better, such as saying “These are good people, I benefit a lot from them, I am fond of them and I am learning a lot from them.” You should respond to them with kind words and good manners, and not be harsh with them. If they tell you not to be friends with them, do not tell them that you are seeking out good people and getting in touch with them, or that you have gone places with them if they do not approve of that. You only have to obey them with regard to acts of worship and what is good and proper.

 If they tell you to make friends with bad people, or they tell you to smoke or drink alcohol or commit adultery, or other sins, then do not obey them or anyone else who tells you to do such things, because of the two hadeeth quoted above. And Allaah is the Source of strength. 

Charity (sadaqah) given on behalf of the deceased will benefit him and its reward will reach him, according to the consensus of the Muslims. 

Muslim (1630) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “My father has died and left behind wealth, and he did not make a will.  Will it be an expiation for him if I give in charity on his behalf?” He said, “Yes.” 

Muslim also narrated (1004) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased wth her) that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “My mother died suddenly and I think that if she could have spoken she would have given in charity [i.e., left instructions that some of her estate be given in charity]. Will I have a reward if I spend in charity on her behalf?” He said, “Yes.” 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

This hadeeth indicates that it is permissible to give in charity on behalf of the deceased and that doing so is mustahabb, and that the reward for that will reach the deceased and benefit him or her; it will also benefit the one who gives the charity. There is consensus on all of that among the Muslims. 

Feeding the poor is one of the acts of kindness and charity that was enjoined by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), especially providing iftaar to one who is fasting. 

Also among the best things that you can do to benefit your father and honour him is to make du’aa’ for him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man dies, all his good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity; beneficial knowledge; and a righteous son who will pray for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 1631.

 So you should make a lot of du’aa’ for your father, during your prayer and at other times, asking Allaah to forgive him, and admit him to Paradise, and keep him away from Hell.

Praise be to Allaah.

With regard to reading Qur’aan, there is some difference of opinion among the scholars as to whether the reward from that will reach the deceased. According to the more correct of the two opinions, it does not reach them, because there is no evidence to that effect, and because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not do that for the Muslims who died, such as his daughters who died during his lifetime, neither did the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all) did not do that either, as far as we know. So it is better for the believer not to do that and not to read Qur’aan for either the dead or the living, or to offer salaah or fast voluntarily on their behalf, because there is no evidence for any of these things. The basic principle regarding acts of worship is to refrain from everything except that which is proven to be enjoined by Allaah or by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 

With regard to charity, this may benefit both the living and the dead, according to the consensus of the Muslims. Similarly, du’aa’ may benefit both the living and the dead according to the consensus of the Muslims. But the hadeeth mentions that which has to do with the dead, because this is the point concerning which people are confused. Does it benefit them or not? Hence this hadeeth was narrated from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “When the son of Adam dies, all his deeds come to an end, except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a righteous son who will pray for him.” Because it is known that death puts a stop to all deeds, the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained that these [three deeds] do not stop. With regard to the living, there is no doubt that he will benefit from charity given by himself or by others, and he will benefit from du’aa’. If a person makes du’aa’ for his parents whilst they are still alive, they will benefit from his du’aa’. They will also benefit from charity given on their behalf whilst they are still alive. 

The same applies to making Hajj on their behalf if they are unable to go themselves because of old age or incurable sickness. This will also benefit them. Hence it was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that a woman said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, the obligation to perform Hajj has come when my father is an old man and is unable to ride. Can I perform Hajj on his behalf?” He said, “Perform Hajj on his behalf.” Another man came and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, my father is an old man and he cannot perform Hajj or travel. Can I perform Hajj or ‘Umrah on his behalf?” He said, “Perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on behalf of your father.” This indicates that it is permissible to perform Hajj on behalf of the dead or on behalf of one who is living but is unable to do it because he or she is too old. Charity, du’aa’ and Hajj or ‘Umrah on behalf of the dead or one who is incapable will all benefit the person, according to all the scholars. 

Similarly, it is obligatory to fast on behalf of the deceased if he had missed any obligatory fasts, whether they were fasts in fulfillment of a vow, or as an expiation, or any missed fasts of Ramadaan, because of the general meaning of the hadeeth, “Whoever dies and was obliged to fast, let his next of kin fast on his behalf.” (Saheeh – agreed upon). And there are other similar ahaadeeth. But whoever delayed the fast of Ramadaan for a valid excuse such as sickness or traveling, then he dies before he could make up the missed fasts, it is not obligatory to make up the fasts or to feed poor people on his behalf, because he had a valid excuse. 

You are doing well, in sha Allaah, by honouring your mother by giving in charity on her behalf and making du’aa’ for her. Especially if the son is righteous, this makes the du’aa’ more likely to be answered. Hence the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… or a righteous son who will pray for him,” because the righteous son is more likely to have his du’aa’ answered than a son who is not righteous, even though everyone is required to make du’aa’ for his parents. But if the son is righteous then his du’aa’ for his parents is more likely to be answered. 

The responsibilities of a married woman towards her parents are like those of any other woman. The rights of the parents remain both before and after marriage, but obedience to the husband takes precedence over obedience to the parents if there is a conflict. 

If the command of the parents conflicts with the command of the husband, then what takes precedence is the command of the husband. But the Muslim husband and the Muslim wife must strive to avoid conflict with the parents, and strive to achieve harmony between them and their parents. 

One of the matters to which the married woman should pay attention concerning her parents is that she should strive to visit them from time to time, and give them appropriate gifts even if they have no real material value. She should try to avoid letting her children’s misbehaviour annoy them when visiting them, and avoid telling them about marital disagreements. 

Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh 

Firstly: 

We noticed in your question that you are kind to your father, and this is something to be commended. We urge you to keep honouring your father, for Allaah has enjoined that upon you, and the texts which enjoin that are so well known that we do not need to quote them here. 

Secondly: 

We also noticed from your question how hard you are trying not to fall into doing something that would lead to doom and punishment. This indicates – in sha Allaah – that your religious commitment is strong. Your religious commitment is your capital, so beware of squandering it and losing out in this world and in the Hereafter. Keep this fear of falling into immoral actions which would earn you the wrath of Allaah. Always remember that Allaah is watching you, night and day, and remember that He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden; He knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal. It is sufficient to imagine if Allaah were to take your soul whilst you – Allaah forbid – were committing a sin: how would you meet Allaah? 

Thirdly:

 We advise you to fear Allaah, for that will form a barrier between you and immoral actions. We advise you to lower you gaze and avoid looking at anything that Allaah has forbidden. You are only allowed the first glance which happens unintentionally. We advise you not to listen to things that Allaah has forbidden that may provoke desire, and to keep away from bad company and immoral friends who do not want anything for you except Hell in the Hereafter and shame in this world. 

These are some of the things that make a person fall into immoral actions. The more you keep away from them, the more you will keep away from immorality. After that, we advise you to do acts of worship, especially fasting, which is the remedy recommended by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in cases such as yours.  

It was narrated that Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400) 

We advise you to read Qur’aan and to make a lot of du’aa’, asking Allaah to keep you away from temptations both obvious and hidden. We advise you to find good friends who can guide you to the path of righteousness and help you to adhere to it. We also advise you to exercise, and to go to sleep early. 

There are some of the means which, hopefully, will be the means of keeping you away from everything that is not pleasing to your Lord. 

We offer you the following useful advice: 

Ibn Muflih said – quoting from Ibn ‘Aqeel in al-Funoon – You listen to the words “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [al-Noor 24:30 – interpretation of the meaning], but you are staring at that which Allaah has forbidden as if you are desperate to acquire it or regretting that you have no way to get it. And you listen to the words, “Some faces that Day shall be Naadirah (shining and radiant)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:22 – interpretation of the meaning] and you think that they were revealed concerning you. And you listen to the words “And some faces that Day will be Baasirah (dark, gloomy, frowning and sad)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:24 – interpretation of the meaning], and you think that they were revealed concerning someone else! How can you be so sure? Where did this wishful thinking come from? This is a kind of deception which stands between you and taqwa. 

(al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/151, 152) 

Fourthly: 

With regard to what your father is doing, preventing you from getting married and delaying your marriage, this is a mistake on his part. He should fear Allaah with regard to his sons, and hasten to arrange their marriages. He should realize that the need of some of his sons and daughters for marriage may be greater than their need for food and drink. 

There follows a fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on a case that was similar to your father’s: 

“As Allaah has enjoined upon your father to spend on your food, drink, clothing and accommodation, he must also arrange your marriage if you need to get married, as the scholars have said. 

I would like to take this opportunity to point out something important, which is that some fathers, even though they are well-off, refuse to arrange their sons’ marriages when the sons ask them to, telling them, ‘Earn enough money to spend on yourself and get married, for you are a man,’ and so on. But the scholars have stated that whoever is obliged to spend on a person is also obliged to keep him chaste and arrange his marriage. So let these fathers fear Allaah and do that which Allaah has enjoined upon them, namely keeping their sons chaste. And Allaah is the Source of strength.” 

From Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, part 3, p. 619 

Allaah has mentioned kind treatment of parents alongside the command to worship Him alone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents”

[al-Isra’ 17:23] 

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:36] 

This is indicative of the importance of honouring one’s parents and treating them well. 

Honouring one’s parents means obeying them, respecting them, praying for them, lowering one's voice in their presence, smiling at them, lowering the wing of humility to them, not showing displeasure towards them, striving to serve them, fulfilling their wishes, consulting them, listening to what they say, not being stubborn towards them and respecting their friends both during their lifetime and after they have died. 

That also includes not travelling without their permission, not sitting in a place higher than theirs, not starting to eat before they do, and not showing preference to your wife or child over them. 

Honouring them also means visiting them, offering them gifts, thanking them for bringing you up and treating you kindly when you were small and after you grew up. 

It also means striving to reduce the arguments between them, by offering sincere advice and reminding them as much as you can, and making excuses to the one who is wronged, and saying and doing things to calm them down. 

No matter how your father treats you, you should follow the good manners described above, so as to avoid everything that may make him angry or upset, so long as that does not lead to sin or disobedience towards Allaah, because the rights of Allaah come before the rights of other people. 

Ask Allaah to guide them and to set their affairs straight, for He is All-Hearing, Ever Close and Ever Responsive. 

The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” 

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419) 

Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want. 

But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865). 

But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character. 

Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih 

A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: 

The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want.  

The parents have the right to prevent their child – be it a son or a daughter – from observing voluntary acts of worship, whether they are Hajj, fasting, jihad or others, especially if the parents think that doing this voluntary action will be harmful to the child, or if the parents have some need that cannot be met otherwise. But in the case of obligatory duties they have no such right. If the child is prevented by his parents from observing a voluntary act of worship, then Allaah will reward him.  

There is no reason why a son should not live with his kaafir mother, or her with him. That may be a means of her being guided to Islam, if the son treats her well and gives a good impression of Islam; keeping away from her may be a cause of her coming to Islam being delayed. 

The Muslim is enjoined to treat his parents well and honour them even if they are kuffaar. It is not permissible for a Muslim to disobey them or treat them badly in word and deed. But that does not mean that he should obey her in matters that are sinful or show approval of the kufr that she believes in. 

(a)     Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] 

(b)    And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15] 

(c)     It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and she was a mushrik. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that, saying, “My mother has come to me and she wants to visit me; should I uphold the ties of kinship with her?” He said, “Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2477; Muslim, 1003) 

(d)    It was narrated from Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas that a verse of Qur’aan was revealed concerning him. He said: Umm Sa’d swore that she should never speak to him until he gave up his religion, and she would never eat or drink. She said, “You claim that Allaah commands you to honour your parents, and I am your mother, and I am telling you to do this.” He said, She stayed like that for three days, until exhaustion overtook her, then one of her sons, whose name was ‘Amaarah, got up and gave her some water, and she started to pray against Sa’d. Then Allaah revealed Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner…”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] 

And He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“…but behave with them in the world kindly…”

[Luqmaan 31:15] 

Narrated by Muslim, 1748. 

(e)     There follows a fatwa from Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) regarding the issue of obeying parents with regard to shaving the beard: 

Question: Regarding obeying your father with regard to shaving the beard. 

The Shaykh replied: 

It is not permissible for you to obey your father in shaving the beard, rather you must let it grow, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trim the moustache and let the beard grow; be different from the mushrikeen.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.”

Letting the beard grow is obligatory, not just Sunnah, according to fiqhi terminology, because the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that, and the basic principle is that a command is obligatory.

          Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 8/377-378 

See also the answer to question no. 5053 and 6401. 

Allaah has enjoined upon sons to honour and obey their parents. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty’ — We provide sustenance for you and for them. Come not near to Al-Fawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly; and kill not anyone whom Allaah has forbidden, except for a just cause (according to Islamic law). This He has commanded you that you may understand”

[al-An’aam 6:151] 

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”

[al-Isra’ 17:23] 

This obedience is obligatory, unless they tell you to commit shirk (associate others in worship with Allaah) or to commit sin. 

Because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. 

Alcohol is forbidden according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah and scholarly consensus. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling, and Al‑Ansaab (stone altars for sacrifices to idols, jinn etc), and Al‑Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaytaan’s (Satan’s) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful.

91. Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from As‑Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?”

[al-Maa'idah 5:90-91] 

Ten people have been cursed with regard to alcohol, including the one who buys it. 

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed ten with regard to alcohol: the one who squeezes it (the grapes etc), the one for whom it is squeezed, the one who drinks it, the one who carries it, the one to whom it is carried, the one who pours it, the one who sells it, the one who consumes its price, the one who buys it and the one for whom it is bought.” 

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1259; Ibn Maajah, 3381. 

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, no. 1041. 

To sum up, it is not permissible for you to buy alcohol for your father, or to obey any created being if it involves disobedience towards Allaah, even if that will make him angry and make him pray against you, because he is sinning by doing that, and his du’aa’ carries no weight in sharee’ah. 

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pleases Allaah by angering the people, Allaah will suffice him, but whoever angers Allaah by pleasing the people, Allaah will leave him to the people.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 1/115; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2311. 

We ask Allaah to guide your father. 

A son is not doing wrong if he chooses a woman who is religiously committed and of good character, for this is the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to marriage. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” 

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466) 

There follows some advice for you and your father from Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, that has to do with your situation. 

The Shaykh (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The question leads us to offer you two points of advice. The first point is addressed to your father, if he insists on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously-committed. What he should do is to give you permission to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar’i reason that he knows and can explain to you so that you will be convinced and your mind will be put at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself: if his father had refused to let him marry a woman whose religious commitment and character he admired, would he not have thought that this was wrong and a suppression of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do this to him, then how can he let himself do the same to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” 

It is not permissible for your father to prevent you marrying this woman for no legitimate shar’i reason. If there is a legitimate shar’i reason then he should explain it to you so that you will understand. 

With regard to the advice which we give you, we say that if you can forget about this woman and marry another, thus pleasing your father and avoiding a split (between you and your father), then do that. 

If you cannot do that, because you are emotionally attached to her and you are also afraid that if you propose marriage to another woman that your father may also prevent you from marrying her – because some people may have envy or jealousy in their hearts even towards their children, so they do not let them have what they want – I say that if this is the case and you cannot be patient and forget about this woman to whom you feel emotionally attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you get married he will become convinced and the feelings in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which is in the interests of both. 

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/193-194 

Firstly: 

The rights of parents are great indeed. Allaah mentions parents’ rights in conjunction with His own rights in many verses, for example, when He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents”
[al-Nisa’ 4:36] 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents”

[al-Isra’ 17:23] 

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination”

[Luqmaan 31:14] 

And there are many similar verses. These verses indicate that it is obligatory to honour our parents, treat them kindly and thank them for their kindness to the child when he was in his mother’s womb and until he became independent and could take care of his own interests. Honouring them includes spending on them when they are in need, hearing and obeying them with regard to things that are good and proper, lowering the wing of humility to them, not raising one’s voice to them, and addressing them with good words and politeness, as Allaah says in Soorat Bani Israa’eel: 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’”

[al-Isra’ 17:23-24] 

 In al-Saheehayn it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is best. He said, “Prayer performed on time.” He was asked, then what? He said, “Honouring one’s parents.” He was asked, then what? He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.” 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The pleasure of Allaah is in pleasing one’s father and the anger of Allaah is in angering one’s father.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1821; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan and al-Haakim, from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him). The version narrated by al-Tabaraani refers to “parents” (instead of “father”). And there are very many ahaadeeth which state that it is obligatory to honour one’s parents and treat them kindly. 

The opposite of honouring them is disobeying them, which is one of the major sins, because it is proven in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of the greatest of major sins?” – three times – and we said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said: “Associating others in worship with Allaah, and disobeying one’s parents,” – and he was reclining, but he sat up and said, “And false speech and false witness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2654; Muslim, 126.  

In al-Saheehayn it is also narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “One of the major sins is a man insulting his parents.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allaah, do people really insult their parents?” He said, “Yes, a man insults another man’s father so he insults his father, or he insults another man's mother so he insults his mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5973; Muslim, 130. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded causing one’s parents to be insulted as insulting them. So every Muslim man and woman must pay attention to honouring his or her parents and treating them kindly, especially when they grow old or are in need of kindness, honour and service; and they should beware of disobeying them or treating them badly in word or deed. 

From the words of Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), 8/306, 307. 

Secondly: 

Remind your brother of Allaah and tell him to fear His punishment; show him the texts that warn against disobeying parents and explain to him the status of honouring parents in Islam, so that proof will be established against him and you will have discharged your duty before Allaah. He should realize that he is sinning because of his abhorrent treatment of his parents and he is doing something that Allaah has forbidden. But despite that do not despair of his being guided, and do not give up on trying to reconcile between your brother and his parents. But if you are unable to do that, then Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. 

Strive to find different ways of offering advice to your brother, sometimes by letting him hear a moving tape, sometimes by giving him a useful book on this topic. And you have to remind him that Allaah may punish him through his children, because they may do the same to him as he is doing to his parents now, and so on… 

Another way of dealing with this is to look for the causes that are making him behave like this, then try to resolve them. It is clear that there are some psychological problems affecting many of those who disobey their parents, such as delaying marriage, or the presence of some evils in their homes that cause them to be disobedient, and so on. 

We suggest that you should continue in your attempt to convince your mother to accept your marriage to this girl. If she insists on refusing then it is good for you to obey your mother and do as she wishes. There are many women and a man does not have to marry a particular woman. So obedience to your mother should take precedence in this case, because that means that you will be honouring her and treating her kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”

[al-Isra’ 17:23] 

Ahmad (15577) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go and fight (in jihad) and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Stay with her for Paradise is at her feet.” 

Shaykh Shu’ayb al-Arna’oot said: its isnaad is hasan. 

It was also narrated by Ibn Maajah (2781) as follows: “I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’  I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’ Then I approached him from the other side and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’  I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’ Then I approached him from in front and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’  I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Stay by her feet, for Paradise is there.’” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah. 

Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated in his Musannaf that Abu Talhah al-Asadi said: I was sitting with Ibn ‘Abbaas and two Bedouins came to him and spoke with him. One of them said: “I was looking for a camel of mine and I stayed with some people. I liked a girl of theirs so I married her, and my parents swore that they would never accept her. I swore that I would free a thousand slaves give one thousand gifts and slaughter one thousand camels if I divorced her.” Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “I am not going to tell you to divorce your wife or to disobey your parents.” He said, “What should I do with this woman?” He said: “Honour your parents.” 

Something similar was narrated from Abu’l-Darda’. If this had to do with divorcing a woman after marrying her, it is more apt that you should obey your mother before marriage takes place. 

Allaah has commanded us to honour our parents in many places in His Book, such as when He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] 

The greatest of rights are the rights of Allaah, after which come the rights of created beings, foremost among which are the rights of parents. Hence Allaah mentions His rights and parents’ rights together in many verses of the Holy Qur’aan, such as when He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.”

[al-Isra’ 17:23] 

Obeying parents is obligatory unless they enjoin sin, in which case they should not be obeyed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4340; Muslim, 1840; Ahmad, 1098. Isbaal or letting the lower garment hang below the ankles is a major sin, so you should not obey them if they tell you to do that. But you can wear your clothes at the longest permissible length so that they do not touch the ankles, then you will not be disobeying your Lord by doing that, and you will not be going against your parents’ wishes, because it is not a condition of shortening the lower garment that it should be at mid-calf length, rather you can obey the rule of sharee’ah by not letting your clothes touch your ankles. 

If they insist that your clothes should be longer than ankle length, then speak to them nicely and try to convince them, but do not disobey Allaah for their sake by letting your clothes hang below the ankles. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh was asked: 

What is the ruling on isbaal (letting the clothes hang below the ankles)? Is it permissible to obey my father when he wants me to let my clothes hang below the ankles? 

He replied: 

Isbaal is haraam, indeed it is one of the major sins. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever allows his garment to trail along the ground out of pride, Allaah will not look at him on the Day of Resurrection.” And he mentioned the three whom Allaah will not look at on the Day of Resurrection or praise them, and theirs will be a painful torment, among whom is the one who allows his garment to hang below his ankles. The one who does this is disobeying Allaah and transgressing His sacred limits, so he has to repent to Allaah. He will be punished because Allaah will not look at him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will be punished because he is given a warning of Hell fire, which indicates that isbaal is one of the major sins, Moreover there is nothing good in isbaal, because it damages the clothes and may make the person stumble, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said to the young man whom he saw allowing his garment to hang below his ankles – who came to visit ‘Umar in his final sickness – “O young man, lift up your lower garment for it will make your garment last longer and is more obedient to your Lord.” 

With regard to obeying your parents, parents are not to be obeyed if that involves disobeying Allaah. If they tell you to let your garment hang below your ankles, then you should disobey them, because isbaal is a major sin and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. 

Fataawah Majallat al-Da’wah, issue no. 1741 

The mother’s right to being honoured is greater than the father’s right. 

Al-Bukhaari (5971) and Muslim (2548) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.” 

Ibn Battaal said: What this means is that the mother is entitled to three times more of honouring than the father. That is because of the difficulties of pregnancy, then childbirth, then breastfeeding. This is something that applies only to the mother and she goes through suffering because of it. Then the father participates in raising the child. This is also referred to in the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years”

[Luqmaan 31:14] 

The command to be dutiful and good applies equally to both here, but the mother is singled out with regard to these three things. 

Al-Qurtubi said: what is meant is that the mother is entitled to a greater share of her child’s honour, and that takes precedence over the father’s right in the case of conflict. 

‘Iyaad said: The majority are of the view that the mother takes precedence over the father with regard to honour and good treatment. Or it was said that they are equal in this regard. But the former view is the one that is correct.